Weaknesses
by chasingpavements09
Summary: Bella and Edward's weaknesses. Set somewhere towards the end of Eclipse / before Breaking Dawn. I suppose it's weirdly timed. Dumb summary, sorry . Warning for up front lemon.
1. Chapter 1

**howdy. first fanfic. go easy on me :(?**

_I don't want this moment,  
to ever end.  
Where everything's nothing,  
without you.  
I'll wait here forever,  
just to, just to see you smile,  
cus it's true.  
I am nothing, without you._

I lay in Edward's cool arms, quietly pondering my chances with my newly formulated argument. Courage, Bella.

"Edward," my blank eyes met his wary ones, gauging for any sign of what I was about to ask. "Do you - well, of coarse you remember before Victoria's return? In the mountains?"

If he were human, I wouldn't have noticed the second of a pause that was just slightly long for his all too quick mind. He nodded slowly, as if questioning if his decision to acknowledge that day would be in his best interest.

"When I fell and cut my hand..." his angel's face grimaced at me, hating to be reminded of anytime I've been hurt. I recalled the idiocy I felt when I managed to trip over myself again, my only concern making him uncomfortable with my spilled life. I remembered the gentle care he'd taken with my speared palm, how non-chalantly he cleaned my wound. The rest of my words came out in a hurry, for fear I'd lose the courage to voice my suspicions. "You told me my blood had lost its affect on you, once you thought you'd lost me! You're not thirsty for me anymore! So, how could this whole sex argument possibly be about my safety when you, YOURSELF told me you were harmless to me!"

"Bella!" He practically scoffed at my accusation. I didn't allow him to continue and quickly thrust myself onto him, pressing my lips and the length of my body onto him accordingly. He pushed me back, roughly enough that he had to grasp my shoulders to steady me from the unexpected momentum of his rejection. "My physical being revolves around your safety. All I care about is-"

"LIAR!" I didn't let him finish, because the gravity of my own words and the force of his actions pulled me from whatever heights I had climbed to get closer to his pedestel. My eyes welled with tears pregnant with rejection and embarassment. They blurred my vision but I felt the cool temperature of his hand inching towards mine. I pushed it away and lay down on his bed, my back to him. Deep in my mind I considered that I might be overreacting and I was actually acting childishly, but with the even greater depth of my jumbled emotions, my reason was completely lost on me. "What is it Edward? Do you just not want to be with me in that way? Please, just tell me and I won't burden you with my uncontrollable hormones anymore."

_I'll wait here forever,  
just to see you smile.  
Cus it's true,  
I am nothing, without you._

"Bella," he sighed apologetically and began tenderly stroking my back with his knuckles. I arched it inwards to avoid his touch. "I love you. You can't honestly think that. You know I want to be with you in every way possible, but for us it just isn't possible. Because I know what it feels like to be without you, I couldn't even fathom being the one responsible for the loss if I in any way hurt you."

"I'd just negated your 'hurting me argument', so you'd better think of a new one. It's getting tired." I contemplated out loud to myself, "Maybe, I _should _just give up after all. I'm just an idiot for continually offering myself to you just to be brushed off everytime."

_Through it all I've made my mistakes.  
I stumble and fall.  
But I mean these words._

"Bella, I don't WANT to do this to you." His voice sounded pained but firm.

This supposed control he had was beyond me. He denied himself human blood and now human satisfaction. I only suffered from one of these sacrifices and already I was going crazy. I decided that the two deprivations would be unbearable and therefore, the latter just did not exist in his case. "Well, you've already turned your back on your natural instincts as a vampire. I can hardly believe you could try to beat down any human instincts either. If you even have those instincts towards me."

"Stop! Will you just listen to me for a minute?" Edward sounded exasperated. I thought I couldn't feel any worse about myself, and the fact that I now annoyed him only lengthened the list of many reasons why he wouldn't want me. He probably saw me flinch at his curtness, because he then softened his voice. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry for everything Bella. It's not losing control to the vampire in me I'm afraid of. It's losing control to the desire in me. What if I get so wrapped up in you, that I lose check on my strength? Could you possibly imagine the dense fog that would be in my head while I'm making love to you? If it clouded my rational mind to be gentle? If I lost control in that sense?"

_I want you to know,  
With everything I won't let this go.  
These words are my heart and soul.  
I'll hold onto this moment you know.  
Cus I'll bleed my heart out to show,  
That I won't let go._

"I don't want you to be gentle." I pressed my face deeper into the pillow, a little embarassed by my honesty. I heard his breath hitch a little bit and then he sighed.

"It's like that's the only thing you picked up on out of everything I've said." I felt him make a show of slouching in his sitting position on the pillows against the headboard. I started unintelligibly grumbling through my tears. He rubbed my arm, and I shoved his hand aside.

"Because that's the only thing that concerns me. I'm sorry that I trust you so completely not to hurt me. Is that a crime?" I had turned around to face him in my new found fury. I was prepared to take low blows in my desperation to get my sexual frustration across. "No. To be honest, I'm not sorry for trusting you. It's you that should be sorry! - Sorry for being too... too weak to trust YOURSELF, because I'M the one that suffers for it!"

As I spoke I watched his face change from variations of remorse, to different types of anger that I don't have the proper synonyms for, to decision, and then something else. I felt my furious face falter and I dramatically threw myself back into my previous position - afraid to face him, curled slightly in my self pity. I felt his eyes on my back and I could still see his new expression clearly in my eyelids. I blinked hard. No budge. His fingers curled around one of my elbows with a slight tug.

"It's too cold." I writhed my arm out of his grip, stubbornly scooting to the furthest corner of the grand king sized bed. He winced at my play on words but I wasn't in the mood for his chaste touches.

Then I heard the most beautiful sound. Not even the melodic sound of Edward's speaking voice rivaled the state the low growl rumbling in his chest had brought me into. It was like an orgasm to my ears. I yelped a little bit as I was unexpectedly jostled. He brought me into a kneeling position over his lap, his big hands tight on my hips - holding me just above him. His narrowed stare was fixed on my face. I wanted to call it a glare, because his pupils dilated and his golden eyes were suddenly rimming with darkness. However, I couldn't fuse my mind with the proper fear that should meet his fierce expression. I blushed.

"What did you call me?" He growled again. I blushed deeper, and the last of my tears dried with the heat emanating from my face.

I was self-conscious and I wriggled under his firm grip. "I... I don't remember."

My hands fell onto his shoulders and bundled his fitted t-shirt into my sweating palms. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. He now had my favorite crooked smile plastered on his face, but something was changed. He looked like a child leaving a grocery store with his mother, stolen bubblegum successfully in his pocket. His eyes had been so dark. I brought my fingers to gently brush the shadows under his eyes. Was he thirsty already? I watched him warily, breathing slowly despite my erratic heart. He drank in another long breath. The grin on his face didn't give me the impression he was sighing or needed a deep inhalation to calm any nerves. He hadn't snuggled his nose to my wrist, to relish in the scent of my blood like he lovingly did so often. Edward didn't even need to breathe for crying out loud. Really the only purpose his nose had for him was to smell. Realization struck me as a fresh wave of embarassment assaulted my veins, blood pooling in opposite directions to both my face and my hot center. I tried in vain to shut my legs as much as possible, but even that little friction caused me to whimper. His eyes snapped open into another unrecognizable face. To a normal person, Edward would have been terrifying, but I admitted to myself that dying now wouldn't bother me in the least.

"You smell so good." He still kept me held above his lap, and under his intense stare, I felt my core giving me away. He nuzzled his face into my neck, gliding his hungry mouth from where it met my shoulder to my lips. His tongue slid forcefully onto mine, inviting it into his mouth. He growled into my mouth as I tried to push my aching center onto him - his lap, his muscular thighs, _anything_ I could rub myself on. I whimpered again when he wouldn't let me. To my surprise, he chuckled into our kiss. "You, Love, are the weak one. Don't forget it."

I slapped my hands onto the headboard on either side of his head and began pulling my lips away from him. He took one last nip at my bottom lip with his own lips and it stretched a little, springing back to my pout when I pulled away. I was determined. This was it. All or nothing Bella. I licked my lips in preparation, pushing my bottom lip out even further. "Please, Edward. Please?"

He groaned into my throat, "God, what you do to me". With that, he lowered me slowly onto the hard bulge in his pants. I sighed as more of me met his hips. He ground me roughly into his erection and grunted. I attacked his mouth, moaning as I licked his lip. Excited that I had elicited this much from Edward, my hands worked methodicaly, rubbing his hip bones and tickling his stomach. His rock hard body beneath me had given me foundation, and in the heated moment, I was a new Bella. All shakiness left me as I ran my hands up his body, taking his shirt with them, and being careful to lightly brush his nipples with my fingers. It was his turn to moan when my mouth broke contact with his to lift his shirt over his head and came back down on his ear, nibbling. I wanted him to growl at me again.

He rubbed my thighs and pressed into my hips with his thumbs, not touching me where I needed it most. I whined a little when his hands passed up my neglected core and up over my hips.

"Patience." He smiled into my collarbone and I pressed the length of my body against him. I was sure he could feel my center, wet against his stomach, and the only thing seperating my chest from his was my flimsy shirt. He hissed, "fuck it."

I'd never heard Edward use vulgarity like that before, and I reeled at the sound. I barely felt the absence of his mouth from my collar, and the back of my mind drawled with the sound of fabric tearing. He lifted my chin up with his nose, kissing and sucking on my neck and then I felt his cold hands kneading the flesh of my breasts. I gasped and my breathing came irregularly. Sometimes I'd forget all together. The sensation of his fingers massaging my breasts and pinching my sensitive nipples had my skin boiling. I had unconciously slid a hand down to rub my need from outside the tiny boy shorts I'd worn to bed. They were soaked and my fingers quickly damped. My eyes fluttered opened when I realized he'd stopped touching me. His hands lay limp on my thighs and I paused at him watching me intently.

"Don't stop Bella. Keep touching yourself." I obeyed. "You think about me when you do that don't you." It certainly was not a question, but a mere statemento of the fact. He had a devilish grin but his voice was dead serious. It occurred to me that he knew I'd done this before. I should have known. I never really had a private moment when it came to Edward. I would have flushed at the fact Edward indeed knew he had reduced me to a masturbating fool - had I not been so preoccupied. I pushed my panties aside and slid one finger into my wet folds first, squealing in pleasure.

"Baby keep going." He watched my finger disappearing, and then two fingers."what do you think of me doing when you touch yourself?"

"You," I gasped and increased my pace. "You inside of me."

He then did something so erotic, I thought I passed out and dreamed it happening. He took my fingers to his mouth and sucked. He licked them clean, lightly grazing his teeth on my knuckles and placed my hand back onto myself. He kept his in place over mine, helping me fondle myself. My index finger entered first, followed by his.

"Like this?"

"Ohhhhhhhhh," I moaned.

"Ughh, both of us are in you Baby. You like that, hmm?" I moaned my reply. "How much do you like it? How much do you like my fingers in you Bella?"

"AHHHHhhhhhh, sooo much."

"Moan for me." He quickened his pace and slipped in another finger. I'd removed my own hand so I could steady myself on top of him. His thumb put pressure on my clit.

"Ohhhhh, Gooooood. Oh God."

"Not good enough. Say _my _name." He ordered it, craving to hear his name roll off my tongue in sheer ecstasy. He growled, egging me on.

Always the instigater, I leveled my face to his and stabilized my voice as much as possible. "Make me."

In ridiculous inhuman speed, I found myself on my back beneath him. He positioned himself between my legs in all his glory, pants and boxers long gone. He knelt in front of me and the corner of his lip twitched up wickedly. I was breathing heavily, dying for him to enter me and then I looked at him. Really looking at him, I needed a moment. I rested my head back on the pillow, taking in the perfection in front of me that at this point I was not completely convinced was real. I watched his chiseled chest and arm muscles moving under his granite skin as he affectionately rubbed my thighs. I looked back up to his face, and another wave of excitement encompassed me when I saw the hunger but even deeper love his eyes held for me. "You're beautiful. Too perfect," he whispered. I blushed and had to lower my gaze from the intensity of his eyes. From his chest, my eyes roamed lower, past his sinful abdominals to his... I gulped. Figures. I should have known he'd be well-endowed. What was I thinking? He cocked an eyebrow up and snickered, "I hope I haven't let you down?"

I shook my head and to my embarassment, my breathing turned into something more along the lines of panting. He stared into my eyes with lust and yet a slight hesitation. Part of me thought he was just hoping for me to come to my senses and run away from him. What a joke. I couldn't believe that even after all this he'd still pause, silently asking my permission. "Edward, please don't stop now." I licked my lips. He slid my sopping wet panties aside and started rubbing his thick, hard member against me. "Uhnnnnnnn."

"I'll make you scream my name Bella." He slapped his dick against my clit and I cried. "I want to hear you shake with it."

I shook my head to focus, and wrapped my legs around his waist. "Please, Edward. I don't think I can wait anymore."

"Wait for what?"

"For you! Please!"

"What do you want me to do, Love?" He caressed me from my asscheeks down til he grasped me behind the knees, poising his cock at my entrance.

"Fuck me Edward!" With that, he slowly slid inside me. The extent of my wetness didn't make it difficult, til he hit the proof within me that I was giving myself to him completely. I whispered between gasps, "go ahead."

He pushed through my barrier, grunting as he strained, waiting for my muscles to adjust to his size. I waited out the pain. I blinked tears away and I watched his great effort to stay still, watching me worrily.

"Bella, are you alright?" He couldn't help the little nudges his hips made to dig further into me. That little friction subsided all pain. I clamped down on him, glad for the cool intruder in me. I couldn't imagine a better sensation. If he was normal and warm, I was sure I wouldn't be able to detect every last centimeter of him inside of me. I shuddered around him. "Baby you're so tight. Uhnnnnnnn. I fill you up."

"AHHHHHHHH, Edward, move in me please!" My newly favorite growl escaped his lips right before crashing into mine. The next thing crashing were our hips, smacking and slapping from all the juice I'd spilled. "Ohhhhhh myyyyy... ughhhhhhhhh."

I bucked my hips to meet his. He dug his hands into my ass, holding me up for a better angle. He watched his dick penetrate me between us and threw his head back to hiss. "Oh god Bella. Bella. Your pussy feels so good. So warm. So tight for me."

I felt myself tightening more. My nails dug into his forearms with such strength it would have punctured human veins. I scratched at his arms, thrashing beneath him as he thrusted into me harder and fasterer. "Deeper Edward! I'm so close!"

"Come Bella. Come all over my cock." He hammered me dizzy. My eyes rolled back.

"OHHHHHH EDWARD! FEELS SO GOOD! I'M GOING TO..."

"Bella. Bella. FUCK." He snarled into my shoulder as my walls tightened his manhood.

"EDWARD, EDWARD! OHMYGOD!" I was shaking violently under his strong hands. White spots with florescent colored edges started forming in my eyesight. I decided that I would gladly give my eyesight for this pleasure from him. He was pulling me onto him, because I was so far gone in ecstasy I could do nothing but revel in it.

"Bella, Bella. I'm going to come in you." Two thrusts later and he grabbed at my breasts and squeezed. I placed my hands over his, rubbing halfheartedly as I rode out the rest of my orgasm. He spilled his cool seed into me, grunting and groaning. I felt him soften inside me, but my muscles wouldn't stop clenching around him, aching for his size, cramping. I felt a pool of mine and his cum dampening my inner thighs.

"Oh God. I love you Edward. I love you so much. Thank you." I whispered as I pressed his forehead to mine.

He moved the hairs on my sweaty skin out of my face and between kisses said, "And I love you. Thank YOU, Bella. You". Kiss. "Should". Kiss. "Be". Kiss. "A sin."

I smiled into his mouth. "so this whole time all I had to do was call you names to get you to have sex with me? Ugh, you really are weak."

I giggled and he let out a playful snarl onto my chest, placing loving kisses on every part of skin his lips reached. I silently and infinitely thanked whatever divinity saw it fit to give me Edward - God, Buddha, Zeus, any of them, all of them. His kisses came to a rest over my heart and he lay his head in the valley between my breasts, still inside of me, breathing with me, being one with me. It was then, falling into a blissful sleep in my lover's arms did I notice the curious indentations and all together missing parts of the metal headboard. No, Edward was certainly not weak.

_____________________________________________________

_Thoughts read unspoken,  
forever and now.  
Pieces of memories,  
fall to the ground.  
I know what I did and how,  
And so, I won't let this go.  
Cus it's true,  
I am nothing, without you._

I could feel it. There was no evading it now. My eyes began rapidly moving, upset from their rested state by the bright pink hue of my eyelids. I was waking up and I was horrified. I squeezed my eyelids tighter, splaying my hands out around me. I stretched my fingers as far as possible. No Edward. My hands began moving with panic. I felt across my legs and stomach on top of the sheets and then summed up the courage to go under the sheets. The offending cloth didn't disappear. I was fully clothed - the same boyshorts and tank top I had gone to bed in.

"DAMNIT!" I wailed and threw my fisted hands down on either side of me. "Oh nooooo."

"Bella? What's wrong?" And he was there. Edward gently caressed my cheeks, willing me to open my eyes. "Bella? Are you alright!?"

_All the streets, where I walked alone.  
With no where to go, have come to an end._

I pursed my lips, because I felt the tears coming. I immediately began taking back all the thanks and promises I had made to God. I would not thank him for such cruelty. Cruelty to give me a mind that lacked mathematic aptitude, but possessed an intensely vivid imagination that I could only torture myself with.

I opened my eyes before Edward could pry them open with his frenzied fingers. The amount and angle the sunlight was shining in shocked me. I half-expected to wake up in my own bed, but we were in fact in Edward's bedroom with ray upon unyielding ray of sunshine glaring through his wall-sized window. I almost let myself hope. Almost. I was laying beneath his half naked form, in his shadow, the sun beaming from behind him. He looked like an angel. This was a sick joke. God? Why? I cried at the sight of his beautiful, tortured face. "Bella, please."

"Edward is she alright?" a sing-song voice rang from the door. Alice stood in the doorframe watching amusedly. So all the Cullens were home after all. Had I made up that they'd gone on a hunting trip also? Honestly, this was more than pathetic on my part. Had my subconcious mind been so desperate for intimacy with Edward that I had come up with such an elaborate fabrication? That familiar pity rose in my stomach as I cried harder. I clung to Edward's chest, half scared I'd awake further to realize I'd completely dreamed him and my life with him up too.

_I want you to know,  
With everything I won't let this go.  
These words are my heart and soul.  
I'll hold onto this moment you know.  
Cus I'll bleed my heart out to show,  
That I won't let go._

"Please. Please, God. I promise I'll be good. I'll make Charlie the best dinners, I'll e-mail Renee hourly, I'll be the best friend to Jacob, I'll let Jessica cheat off my English tests, I'll marry Edward AND give Alice full reign on the wedding just please let him be real." I sniffled into his neck and I felt him shake with silent laughter.

"You really shouldn't have said that."

I froze as an ear-splitting scream, like balloons being rubbed together and a dying weasel... put together, assaulted my senses. Before I knew it I was in Alice's arms and SHE was planting endless kisses on my cheeks. "YES! YES! YES!... AND YES! I WOULD LOVE TO PLAN YOUR WEDDING BELLA! THANK YOU!"

All the while Edward was snarling behind Alice for her intrusion. She eyed the bedsheets uncomfortably. The grumbling in Edward's chest grew violently louder as Alice wrinkled her nose at me, "Ugh, no offense Bella but maybe you should wash up."

"THATS ENOUGH!" Edward almost backhanded Alice, but she lithely skipped out of the way and was now heading towards the door. "Go back to Canada."

"Haha! HAPPILY! I think I'll visit the Niagra Falls for some inspiration. How do you think Esme would feel about installing a beautiful stone fountain in the backyard. A cascading fountain! Oh, Edward it'll be such nice scenery as you're giving eachother your vows."

Edward threw a glass candle fixture at her, which she caught before gleefully sitting it on the dresser. "You're right Edward. Glass. No, no. Crystals everywhere. Swarovski crystals." She then bounced out the door before Edward could make a projectile of the nightstand.

I stared up at the ceiling. Confused. More than confused. The soreness in my lower regions began creeping up on me. My panties, not as fresh as I preferred. My tank topped suddenly felt strangely worn, stretched. My hair matted untidily to my scalp from the sweat that had previously accumulated there. Alice is going back to Canada to hunt. Did it happen after all? NO BELLA! NO HOPE! Confirmation. I need confirmation first. I blinked once as I lay conflicted. Then Edward's impatient face moved into my vision and his eyebrows came together anxiously.

_In front of your eyes, it falls from the skies.  
When you don't know what you're looking to find.  
In front of your eyes, it falls from the skies.  
When you just never know what you will find._

"I'm not sure how I feel about this." His face then held mock hurt. "Either last night went so well you thought you imagined it or perhaps I didn't live up to such expectations. Was I so forgettable, Love?"

"Last night..." I mumbled, still staring absently at his face. "What exactly did we do last night?"

"Exactly?" My insides turned a fraction of a second after I did, and I was instantaneously straddling Edward's lap. "Where do I begin?"

He hummed into my neck, curling a finger around my chin, and lifting it for better access. I felt like dying from the immense relief. Not to mention the troubling guilt I felt for my blasphemous thoughts. Sorry, God. Thanks, again. Really this time.

"I'm sorry you'd been misled," he smiled and tugged on my tanktop playfully. "Alice was in a sudden rush to be home for your agreemant and I couldn't have you naked in front of anyone else but me."

"Oh, Edward!" I wrapped my arms around him needily and my lips feverishly attacked his. He chuckled once before I came to my senses. He smelled deliciously showered. I must have been filthy. I pulled away from him and practically long jumped off the bed. "Human moment."

His curious expression was replaced with a smile of understanding. "I have a warm bath waiting for you, my future Mrs. Cullen."

I mock-grimaced at my new name and he waved a finger at me. "Ah, Ah, Ah. You promised." The same finger pointed up. His crooked grin returned to his face, but again, something was changed. There was a deep, genuine happiness in his features. I gasped, first at his beautiful expression, so filled with love and unmatched (well, nearly unmatched) bliss, and then I gasped again when he took me into his arms running. Within seconds, I was naked and carefully being lowered into the tub. The heat from the water, embracing my body, relieving it of physical stress. Edward slid to the tile-floor, in just his plaid pajama bottoms, watching me intently. I smiled weakly, lovingly up at him. The same heartbreakingly affectionate essence was radiating from him, and he rest his chin on the edge of the bathtub. The back of his hand brushed my cheek and I moved my face into his cool touch. We stayed like this for sometime, relishing eachother.

_I don't want this moment, to ever end,  
When everything's nothing, without you._

My eyes began to drift closed again. How early was it exactly? I couldn't have gotten that much sleep if I was still this exhausted. Then an onslaught of soap bubbles peppered my face, followed by Edward's sweet breath. On instinct, I inhaled the scent of him, along with the bubbles. I coughed up a fit.

"Only you could suffocate above water." Edward laughed whole heartedly. "Not too smart to fall asleep in a full tub of water either, Love."

"Well, it's not like you'd let me drown. Would you?" I raised an eyebrow up at him skeptically. He laughed again. "It's your fault I'm so tired anyway."

"Let me make it up to you." He stripped off his pants and slid both legs into the water. I sat up and scooted forward a little bit, expecting him to slide in behind me. I watched with a pout as he instead sat on the edge, above the headrest. He patted the side of the tub, as he chuckled at my unsatisfied expression. "Lay, Love."

I lay back down between his legs and he began lathering up my hair with shampoo. He slowly massaged my scalp as he hummed my lullaby. We shared another comfortable silence. He took one last long breath at the waft of strawberries coming from my shampoo. He turned on the removable shower head and began rinsing the sud from my hair. I lay, appreciating him. I craned my neck to gaze up at his angel's face. "I love you."

"As I love you." He bent over, placing both hands on either side of my face, and kissed me tenderly.

_I want you to know,  
With everything I won't let this go.  
These words are my heart and soul.  
I'll hold onto this moment you know.  
Cus I'll bleed my heart out to show,  
That I won't let go._

--------------------------------------

**:)... sooo there's the first one. lols im thinking i won't do this often, & that i really just needed to release a little bit of pent up frustration. SORRY if the lemon was a smidge graphic or unexpected seeing as how the song i'm sure does not quite fit the scene. however, i always thought the song just FIT edward & bella so in my excitement, i just put two of my fantasies into one fic - edward in bed & that song as a twilight themesong.**

**anyhoo.**

**be easyx3chasing.**

**postscript; geez DUHH song is: sum41 with me btw :D.**

**postpostscript; please review? i'd like to hear some feedback so i can decide on what i should change, if need be, in my writing. thnx!**


	2. Chapter 2

**WAHAHA, so I had initially planned for this story to just be a oneshot. but while i was, ironically enough, sitting in biology... i thought of a fun direction i might like to take it in. but i'm quite known for procrastinating or starting something and not finishing it. add ons will come as they come i suppose. but heres the next chapter. enjoy? review? no smut in this one. sorry folks.**

**------------------------------------------**

**EPOV.**

"Edward?" Bella's eyes tightened with an agonizingly lovely smile. She was so adorable, my heart ached just looking at her. "Can we make love now?"

She had yawned and the last couple words of her question were drawled out. I chuckled and started dabbing away the little moisture collecting in the corners of her eyes from her long yawn. I felt her muscles relaxing into the bed and I knew it wouldn't be hard to sway her.

"You've only had about five hours of sleep, love. You should rest a little while longer."

"I don't need rest. I'm perfectly fine." She started to rise, I'm sure to somehow demonstrate that she wasn't on the verge of knocking out. I wouldn't allow it and pinned her back down to my chest.

"That contradicts the fact that you all but collapsed at the kitchen table." I had made her quick breakfast after our bath this morning, and in the haziness of my complete and utter bliss - plus Alice's unexpected vreturn home, I had forgotten that Bella probably needed more sleep. I was suddenly torn between feeding her or forcing her to go back to bed. I impatiently watched her take great effort in chewing her food and sitting upright until she finished. Surely, I could take better care of my wife than this. I usually did. How could I overlook her necessities? I was steadfast on her getting a nap in today.

Her eyes lingered on my face, and then her eyebrows met into that cute little crinkle as she flushed. "Fine, but only because I wouldn't last long if we did right now anyway."

She yawned again and nestled into my chest. I laughed, "Like how long you lasted last night?"

She snapped her eyes open and I thought my heart would explode from the sight of her. She balled her hands in fists and her mouth changed from a perfect 'o' to a hard line. Her soft cheeks heated a fire engine red and she practically screamed, "If my memory serves me well, Edward Cullen, you were not far behind me!"

"True," I breathed into her ear. "But may I remind you, love, that I can last _all_ night, and _all _day, and _all_ my life." I lightly licked her ear and she shuddered.

"_You_," she breathed in heavily and then abruptly cut the same breath short,"are an ass."

My lip twitched when she spun around in my embrace, her back to my chest. I breathed in her hair and pulled her into me. We fit so perfectly. In every way. I smiled into the back of her head as she drifted into slumber. The incredible gaiety in me couldn't possibly stay contained for much longer. I felt like dough - with far too much yeast. I'd need some sort of outlet soon because I felt the deviating emotion rapidly expanding in me. Like this overwhelming... overwhelming love I had for this woman in my arms replaced the venom, the organs, the entire mass of my body. If I was so indestructible than why, now, is it like my own feelings would be the destruction of me. Suddenly, anxiety joined my manifolds of happiness. Suddenly, eternity didn't seem like enough time for me to show Bella how much I loved her. Suddenly, the earth didn't have enough for me to offer her. Suddenly, there was _too much of me_ I wanted to give to her and not enough of Bella for me to give it all to. I mentally slapped myself. Of course there was enough of Bella. Clearly this was the other way around. My Bella was too much for _ME_. I vowed that I would expend all of forever and all of myself to repay her for giving me herself. Vows. She would be marrying me. The overwhelming emotions came rushing back and I realized that I was successfully driving myself crazy. Very rarely does this happen, but every time it has it's been in the presence of Bella _- I was wholly beside myself._

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**BPOV.**

I sure must have been tired because I slipped into such a deep sleep that I dreamt. I hardly ever dreamt while I napped. Could it be still considered a nap if it surpassed regular sleeping hours? I struggled to recall the last of my dream. An isle, lined with friends and family, watching me. I saw a haze of bodies but no faces. The only thing in focus was Edward, at the end of the isle, smiling triumphantly. He was beautiful. The dream shifted, to Edward carrying dream Bella through a threshold on our honeymoon. Then that was it. It ended. I whined to myself while I tried harder to remember anything after that. Why did it end just so abruptly? I was brought out of my half-sleep by the feel of Edward's lips on the back of my neck. I smiled. Did my dream end because I knew I'd have it's continuation in reality. I smiled wider.

Then in a split second something very apparent occurred to me. We'd already had sex. Before the wedding...

The dream ended because I already knew how it would go. It wasn't a silly fantasy anymore. I'd lived it. I could only _relive _it in my dreams, but I had already spoiled the honeymoon for myself... for Edward. I instantaneously became repulsed. I'd pushed this on Edward. Our conversation before my nap drifted into my thought processes. We had had unbridled, imupulsive sex - but had yet to make love. Deep down I knew how things had, panned out if you will, was not how Edward had imagined our first time. Yes, he _is _happy as far as I knew and yes, I _AM_ grateful for last night but I couldn't help the sudden sorrow I felt for him. Sadness that I had managed to lessen our upcoming union. Then a madness pulsed through my veins because this body of mine betrayed me. These same veins pumped hormones in me that I didn't have the will power to deny. Damn my weak humanity, damn it to hell. It wasn't just my honeymoon, my marriage, my fulfillment that was tainted. It was Edward's too. I am a terrible, self-centered imbecile. How could I have done this?

"Bella?" He questioned huskily when I began breathing too deeply from my self-inflicted anger. He couldn't see my pained face expression so I safely assumed that he thought I expected him to take me up on my previous offers earlier. I felt him half-erect against my backside. I assumed correctly. I gave myself a little time to recollect. I couldn't bring myself to regret our night together, as one. I couldn't possibly regret something that brought Edward and so obviously, myself, such happiness. But at the same time I was so frustrated. A fierce, sudden resolve came to me.

"Bella, darling, I know you're awake". I almost laughed at the little impatience he let slide into his voice. Reason objected my amusement and I had to remind myself of my new resolution.

I turned in his arms and planted a soft kiss on his lips. For once, he was trying to deepen it and I had to back away.

"Edward," I addressed him as seriously as I could, trying desperately to ignore my fluttering heart from our too shortly met lips. I wrinkled my eyebrows with determination. He acknowledged that I had something to say and always the gentleman, settled himself comfortably and open-mindedly, waiting patiently for whatever was going to come out of my mouth. He smiled to encourage me, and I waited to be able to trust my voice. I needed to believe in what I was saying myself. I had to. "We will not have sex again until the wedding."

"Gah," escaped his lips. A string of emotions manipulated his features: confusion, embarassment, worry, hurt, before it just settled on blank. "Did I do... something?"

My heart stuttered and then shattered. I turned the tables. Now I was the one denying him the chance to be one with me. But this was so much worse. I felt like I'd tricked him. Like I'd compelled him to give me what he held so sacredly, just so I could take it back and keep it in my back pocket. I'd taken down all his walls and then abruptly built my own up where his once stood. How could I be so cruel? I had the mind to just laugh like an imbecile and burst out 'JUST KIDDING!' to make the hurt I'd caused to go away. Reason, once again, objected. This was a bad time to come to my senses.

"No, no Edward. Please allow me to explain." I muttered the words quickly so he wouldn't think I paused due to hesitation to his question. His jaw relaxed a little but his blank mask of an expression remained. I should die in a fire for what I'm doing to him. "Did I talk in my sleep?"

"Just the usual..." he seemed distant while speaking, as if he didn't want to be here for what I was going to say. "You said you loved me, repeatedly."

"_And I do._ Very much. Which you are aware of yes?" I gingerly brought my finger tips to his lips and I watched for a change in his expression. He nodded once. No change. "And the fact that I love you so much is the cause and affect of my decision."

"Love-" he breathed.

"Edward. I love you so much that I wanted us to be together physically, so that I could be connected to you in that way, as well as emotionally, mentally, and unconditionally. I wanted it so much that I turned a blind-eye to what you wanted. I can't even tell you how sorry I am Edward," tears began welling up in my eyes but I fought to continue my ranting. "I was so selfish. I pushed you to give into me. I ruined _OUR_ honeymoon. I declined _YOUR _wishes. I took _YOUR _virtue. How could I have taken what you've protected for over a century, when all I had to do was wait, what? Half a year at most, til our nuptuals? How could you even want to be in any way bound to someone like me? I'm horrible. I'm the selfish monster."

Understanding took over his features.

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**EPOV.**

This was a new record. Again, Bella had put me in a place where I didn't know what to do with myself. Was she serious? I expected her to start giggling and say "GOTCHA!" But that moment never came and I stared at her, still waiting foolishly. She _regret _last night. I should have known. This was going to be painful.

Different, much different emotions replaced the happy ones that just seconds ago engulfed me. But I couldn't name these new ones. These were far too intense to be encompassed by words. My sense of everything left me. Like I were human. Like I'd been cloaked in this dark blanket of my relentless, unrecognizable emotions. My mind went stagnant. I thought hard, but only managed to thoroughly replay last night twice in my mind before the emotions began trying to block the memory out all together.

Her face looked tortured - _hurt_. Oh God, oh God what had I done? Was she going to tell me or would I have to pry it out of her? Would I _want_ to pry it out of her?

"Love-" I breathed, I was going to beg for her to tell me. I would be reduced to a begger and I couldn't care less. She swiftly interrupted me and in that moment I changed my mind and turned to cowardice. I wanted to cover my ears.

"Edward. I love you so much that I wanted us to be together physically, so that I could be connected to you in that way, as well as emotionally, mentally, and unconditionally." Where is this going? Where could this possibly be going? She started crying and I instantly hated myself. What did I do to upset her? "I wanted it so much that I turned a blind-eye to what you wanted. I can't even tell you how sorry I am Edward. I was so greedy. I pushed and pushed you to give into me. I ruined _OUR _honeymoon. I declined _YOUR_ wishes. I took _YOUR_ virtue. How could I have taken what you've protected for over a century, when all I had to do was wait, what? Half a year at most, til our nuptuals? How could you even want to be in any way bound to someone like me? I'm horrible. I'm the selfish monster."

She's upset... with herself? She thinks that _she_ deprived _me _something? I was met with immense relief. That emotion I knew well, acquainted myself with it when I'd realized Bella was still alive in Italy, and I'd grown quite fond of that one. Then an arresting pang hit me when I'd recalled her last sentences. "You Isabella Marie Swan, will never think of yourself in that way again."

I had to hold her gaze to mine because she was so flustered by her confession, she couldn't face me. I didn't allow myself to construct an appropriate response to her. I struggled with the onslaught of sentiments I'd felt all morning, and tangled the words into sentences. I let the overcoming vehemence I felt govern me, and I let it fly out thoughtlessly. "Bella, I didn't think I could love you more. I loved you before I even knew it. I know now, because my inner monsters didn't stand a fighting chance against all I feel for you. Then last night happened and I was proven wrong. You're very presence, proved everything I used to know, strive for, exist for - all wrong, all misplaced. I could, in fact, love you more. Love you so much, love seemed inadequate. Moreso that I lay here skirting combustion just watching you sleep. You could never take anything from me but yourself, because it seems to me that, you're all I have. You are the reason for all I do and am."

She choked, managing to cry harder, "Edward, I know you love me. That's the problem. I knew, and I still did this to you. Can't you just accept that this is my fault? I feel like I cheated you, like I take advantage of you. I don't deserve you."

I brought her face to mine and kissed the worried creases on her small forehead. "You're not allowed to say those things about yourself either. How can I prove to you, Bella, that because I have you, I don't need anything else. In last night, you didn't take anything from me. You gave me everything. You are never at fault."

She snorted at this, but I continued, "I know you think I'm biased, but truly you aren't. Can't you accept that I could never see any fault in you? Because all I see, as a whole, is this beautiful, wonderful woman. You, in every sense of the word, captivate me." I held her cheeks in the palm of my hands. "This face. I want _this face_ to captivate me everyday, for the rest of my existence. Nothing will convince me otherwise."

I allowed her a minute to soak in my proclamation, before smugly adding on, "And giving my virginity to the woman I love, is hardly a price to pay for getting to keep her."

I hoped my smile convincingly touched my eyes. My words were true, however ill-fit it seemed at the end of my impassioned profession. I just prayed they'd somehow lighten her mood. I eyed my phone on my nightstand. It was on silent but I noticed the glow of the LCD screen twice in our conversation, indicating that I now had two missed calls. Bella's sobs died down dramatically and her breathing was slowly steadying. I waited, no longer worried because I'd just been brought back to my purpose. _I vowed that I would expend all of forever and all of myself to repay her for giving me herself._

"I love you Edward. I love you so much. I can't even begin to explain all the things I've been feeling the past twenty four hours, now more than ever." She snuggled closer to me and I knew that I'd won the ever present battle with Bella's self-conciousness, for now anyway. I just wanted to calm her, soothe her, be with her. I wanted her to enjoy her time with me, not be pained by it. "There's just so much I wish I could do for you in return."

"Bella, there's nothing you could give me that you haven't already. I don't desire anything more. Once moment, love." My phone lit up again, and it came to me that I should answer it in case of emergency. I stroked her cheek to continue soothing her as I answered. "Yes, Alice?"

_"My God, Edward. I was convinced my visions were faultering when I saw what Bella decided. Tell me I was wrong. For once, I won't even care. Tell me I was wrong."_

"Depends on what you saw, Alice". Bella's ears perked a little but she kept her face burried in my chest.

_"Did she really... cut you off?"_ I heard Emmet's shameless guffaw in the background. _"Oh Emmet, be considerate. Ugh, grow up!"_

"Anyway, yes. Well, actually I'm not sure where she stands on that issue anymore." Bella's head turned slightly in my direction.

_"Let me talk to her, Edward."_ This could either go well or very, very wrong.

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**BPOV.**

"Hi Alice." My voice was still shaky, exhasperated from my throat's tensing and scratching with my wracking sobs.

_"Bella, I thought I saw everything go well. What happe- EMMET!"_ I heard a very loud, destructive scuffle. Growls ripped through the reciever and then it was Emmet's easy voice in place of Alice. _"Wow, Bells. You gave Edward a little taste and you're taking it back. And we thought **Rosalie** was the bitch. OW! Babe, I'm just kidding! Anyway Bells, you. You, little human, take the cake. And the frosting. And the candles. Edward's going to be all Lord of Blue Balls for the next couple months."_

I gasped at Emmet's words and I glanced at Edward. He was obviously trying to look like he hadn't heard. He was almost believable, had his hands not been fisted so deeply into the mattress a spring popped through.

Alice came back on the line,_ "Only til Saturday, June 9th actually. So, you've got three months to prepare yourself Bella. I've already got about half the wedding planned."_

Three months? Really? That wasn't too bad a wait at all. I'm sure it would seem next to nothing for Edward. Oh God, wait. Three months? Really? I have three months until I will be married and changed? I _DID _have so much to prepare for. My heart rate quickened and I felt a sweat begin to break across the back of my neck.

_"That's a great idea Bella!"_ What? Idea? I shrugged at Edward, who was watching me intently. _"I'll help you! Well, as much as possible. I'd hate to intrude on your... Oh, the snoop can probably hear me can't he?"_

I peered at Edward and he eyed me suspiciously. "Yes, yes he can."

_"Well then... We'll discuss this when we get back tomorrow. Take care lovebirds."_

I quickly grew very nervous. I would have pretended Alice was still on the phone with me just to avoid Edward's impending interrogations if not for named man's bionic ears. I handed him the phone and smiled shyly.

"Are you planning something, Isabella?" I thought about his question.

"Nope," I decided to answer quickly before it became a lie. He studdied my face and was content with what he found there. He dropped the subject and held me to him.

Okay. So at the time of 'no', I had not really been planning something. I had already told Edward I had no desire to engage in any form of sexual activity with him until the wedding. He already knew and I knew he would respect this. Therefore, it was a given that we would commence our physical relationship on our honeymoon. That was not a plan. More of a simple statement of a fact. So, I convinced myself, I didn't lie to him. However, the more I thought about this commencement the more potential it had. We would not 'have sex' the night of our wedding. We would make love. His wait, our wedding, our honeymoon would not be completely spoilt after all. And then... because atleast now we know Edward is capable of... we can explore and see what else is open to us. Yep, lots of potential.

**Woooooooooooo maybe some inspiration will magically hit me again and ill find it in myself to continue. ha. or you could review and encourage me also... just kidding. kind of.**

**be easyx3chasing.**


	3. Chapter 3

**not much smut or anything at all really haha. it's fairly short. i just wanted to make this another light hearted chapter & play with emmet a tad.**

**i might change it up, depending on where my mind decides to take me.**

**i apologize in advance becus i feel ill have a lot of loose ends to tie up and my writing wont be as fluid as id like, because of the fact that i write at random and without much direction. hope you enjoy it anyway!**

Our first week of restraint went without incident, save Emmet's ruthless sniggers and random sexual innuendos.

"Do you know why Edward's favorite color on you is blue Bella?" Emmet asked innocently plucking the crust off his uneaten sandwhich at lunch on Monday.

I looked to Edward for whether or not I should even amuse Emmet with answering, but his eyebrows came together in concentration. I only guessed that Emmet was thinking of a detailed play-by-play of Sunday's football game to keep Edward out of his head. I sighed, "No, Emmet... Why?"

"Because it reminds him of his balls."

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Annoying as my favorite soon to be brother-in-law was, my purpose remained unwavering. Edward and I were unphased. I supposed that this was partially due to the fact that my new rule of No Sex Before Marriage, Again Anyway, was still freshly established. The walls I built to keep our desires out were concrete and had steel reinforcements. I also had a new arsenal of reasons why I should go through with this, why Edward deserved an unforgettable honeymoon. I had to give credit where credit was due however, as Edward was being nothing short of gracious about my new resolution. The gentleman that he is, he maintained a respectful attitude and physicality towards my decision.

Alice and I had discussed this on Wednesday after school. She drove me home because Edward left school a couple periods early to do some local hunting, as he had missed the past weekend's trip to Canada with his family to spend time with me.

"Soooo," Alice was never one for patience or subtly. We weren't even out of the student parking lot yet. "This is an interesting route to take, Bella."

"I'm not concerned about the means as much as the end..." I trailed off suggestively.

"No, no. You will not use to me to conduct your little endeavors to regain your virginity or whatever it is you think you're doing." She seemed mildly amused, but meant what she said. I took in her words. She was right. How naive of me to think I could somehow reverse what had happened. What was I thinking? I could just pretend last Friday night with Edward never happened and we could somehow be new-born virgins? No, I knew that wasn't what I was trying to do. I wanted to make it as right as I possibly could. Edward and I would properly consummate our relationship after our marriage by making love, not having impetuous sex. It would be special. It had to be. Then, we could take it where ever we wanted from there. We could start again from where we'd left off... fantasies of the makings of my honeymoon swam through my head.

"Well, I'm guessing it's safe to say it atleast ends in mine or Edward's favor. You wouldn't be helping me if it did otherwise." I smiled smugly.

"... Shut up." She very maturely, stuck her tongue out at me so far I thought it was going to touch her chin.

-------------------------------------------

It wasn't til one Saturday night, two weeks after our first time, that the weight of my decision began to dawn on me.

"Bella," embarassment mixed with anger touched his face before a cold stone replaced it. "Am I supposed to be laughing?"

"Wh-what?" A fevered blush struck me as I panicked to cover myself. I hadn't done laundry and ran out of pajamas. I went to bed in undies and some kind of top a bunch of times before we'd had sex. He turned me down no matter how scantily clad I was before. Had these things changed? Was this horribly inconsiderate of me? He pinched the bridge of his nose and gestured towards my underwear with his other hand. I looked down. My blood boiled up to my face. In black, bold Sharpee Marker was a big "**:(**" on the front of my panties.

"Oh my- oh my God. No, no! Edward, I didn't do this I swear!" I flew in front of my mirror and heard Edward grumbling. I turned slowly and peeked over my shoulder to see my backside. It read "**Nana Nana Boo Boo**!". I was so flustered I almost threw my underwear off. In a second, Edward was standing at my drawers and took one whiff.

"_E m m e t_ ," he growled so loudly I was sure Charlie would wake and think there was a zoo in my room. We stood in silence a moment, waiting for Charlie's snores to pick up again. I watched Edward bracing himself by the palms of my dresser, staring into my underwear drawer. His breathing deepened and slowed and he was nearing calm.

When I knew Charlie had slipped back into deep slumber and Edward's fury had safely passed, I spoke, "Emmet's... been through my panties." I blushed deeper.

Edward peeked at me from the corner of his eyes and his lip twitched. "It seems he does know what's good for him after all. He hardly touched a thing. In, to the point, and out."

I stifled a little snicker at the thought of big, burly Emmet on a mission and sneaking into my room, tumbling awkward summersaults - like he was performing some kind of job. I guess, if it wasn't to us, this would be kind of funny. In its own sick, twisted way.

My thoughts trailed off as Edward's serious face returned and he reached into the drawer. "He overlooked all but one thing; Bella, what's this?"

He opened the bundle of pink crepe paper and unwrapped the deep blue lace bikini style bra and panty set I'd purchased with Alice last week. "Ugh, well there goes the surprise."

He inhaled deeply, "I'm jealous, love. Emmet got to see my surprise before I?"

"Oh, like I planned that. Sorry, I thought my underwear drawer was a safe cache." I huffed, but blushed despite my sarcasm. I'd bought it before we'd had sex, and planned to wear it in an attempt to seduce Edward into the actual act... but I'd chickened out. Turns out I hadn't needed it so I decided to have it in safe keeping for the honeymoon. Well, there went that. Great, this only means one thing: more shopping with Alice. "Besides, your surprise was to see it on."

I wagged my eyebrows, I realized to be a very Emmet gesture. The reminder of him made me blush again. Edward let my garments fall to the floor. He moved to me with a strange human hesitance, almost dragging his feet. He brought his eyes to my level and took a featherlight hold on my fingers. "This surprise..." he ran his thumb across my finger tips, "did it involve you lifting your injunction?"

His eyes positively smoldered away all the innocent curiousity, there only seconds before. The left side of his lip curled up and he inhaled deeply - which reminded me to breathe. I had to look away before I could be hypnotized. Plus I needed a nice, long intake of air free of Edward's scent. The same way my scent fueled Edward's blood lust, even just a trace of his scent induced my own thirst. And mine could not be quenched by some alternative fix. He tugged on my finger's, pleading for my attention again. I took a deep breath and faced him. He was still smirking.

He was toying with me, of this I was certain. I knew that if Edward unleashed the full effects of his irresisible seduction, I'd be naked and quivering beneath him in seconds. He bent further, allowing his lips to graze across my jaw. When he reached the corner, he let out a breathy 'mmmmm' into my ears. Goosebumps rose on every surface of my body. His hands snaked under my tank top and his cold fingers glided up and down my sides like hot butter, lingering just under my chest. He gripped around my ribcage as his thumbs massaged the underside of my breasts. My nipples hardened against the thin cloth of my tank. I forced myself to regain focus. Two can play this game, and cheap shots were not above me. I tried very hard not to let my amusement play on my face.

"Edward," I sighed full of warning and closed my eyes, preventing them from betraying me.

He straightened up and smiled down at me as if to say 'I know, I know'. I walked around him. Act like this is nothing Bella, act like he has no affect on you whatsoever. Of course he knew his effects on me, and it was practically dripping down my thighs. I just needed to pretend I had the volition to disregard it. I kept my back to him and pulled my tanktop over my head. The straps however, got a little tangled in the messy waves of my hair. I gave it a light tug, tilting my head to the side til my hair fell into place along my back. I placed my arm over my breasts to cover them and I half turned at my torso to face him.

"Turn around Edward". His eyes widened and he turned his body, his head following suit a little slowlier. I made sure he was completely facing the wall before I stepped out of my vandalized panties and made my way to my dresser. I surprised myself by not tripping. I pulled the deep blue bottoms up, feeling the lace faintly scratch my thighs before sitting them comfortably on my hips.

"I guess I can just let you see them now, since the surprise part was already spoilt," and with that I just heard the rush of wind that would be Edward whipping around. I paid special thanks to the fact that Edward could see perfectly in the dark. I planted equal weight on both feet, locking my knees to keep my legs straight. I bent down at the waist, eliciting a glorious groan from Edward, and picked up the bra counterpart. I took my time rising back up, feeling the muscles on the back of my legs relaxing. I snapped the bra into place, and adjusted my breasts for more cleavage.

I lazily turned and found Edward sitting on the edge of my bed. He sat with his legs apart, hunched with his elbows on his knees. His fingers strained, twined tightly as his thumbs idly played with eachother. He was visibly labored. His eyelids pressed wrinkles into their corners, and his upper lip depressed his full bottom lip.

"Baby," I whispered idly. His nostrils flared before looking up at me through his lashes. God, that bedroom stare. He beckoned to me without even trying. I softly pushed my hair behind my shoulders and brought my fingers back to delicately trace my collar bone. "Do you like it?"

He shifted in his seated position. "You look as lovely as ever Bella."

"Is that it? This has no special affect on you?" Sometimes his exceptional politeness was a huge pain in the ass.

"You don't need a get up to be the most exquisite being I've laid eyes on". I sighed in frustration. Why couldn't I play the successful tease?

"Fine". I sauntered to the left side of my bed. He opened the blankets up for me and swung his legs up onto the bed - above the sheets. Ugh. De ja vu. I crawled in and snuggled my upper body up against him as much as physically possible. My head rested on his chest and rose with its heavy heaves. Am I getting a rise out of him after all? As if right on cue, the peak in his pants answered my question. I internally giggled. That's what you get Mr. Nonchalant About Everything. My fingers drew slow circles on his chest before I drifted to sleep.

**review?**

**be easyx3chasing.**


	4. Chapter 4

**no smut in this chapter either. ha, im prbly beginning to bore you guys pretty quickly. hopefully it'll be worth it in the end.**

**also, i realized that i didn't cover things like bella telling charlie about the engagement & im not even sure if ill have the urge to rewrite the wedding. not just becus im a lazy writer :), but because i thought SM did a fine job on those parts herself. i just don't feel a need to change anything, or add anything to certain parts. so just fill the whole telling charlie and renee scene in wherever you see fit i suppose. i apologize again for my lack of purpose while i write. its just for my own enjoyment / leisure. hopefully it ends up being some of yours also.**

The engine's purs erupted into snarls as the canary yellow coupe pounced forward. I was convinced Alice's stilleto clad foot penetrated the floor of her beloved Porsche. Her voice did not match her physical control, however, as she wailed, "BELLA! I am not kidnapping you. You are a grown woman who is about to marry my brother. Act like it. Please, have some decency and allow me to help you without accusing me like I am committing some kind of pedofilic abduction."

I whined. "By definition, this _is_ abduction. I am being taken somewhere, I don't know where, against my will. Does Edward know about this!?" By God, I swear if he does...

"NO!" I was shocked that Alice's voice managed to grow louder, more forceful. I stared at her wide-eyed. "Edward... must not know about this."

"Alice Cullen, _where are you taking me_?" I pronounced each individual syllable, trying to sound as forcible as possible for me. Alice could practically smell my fear. My skepticism grew as I took in what she was wearing: leggings and a button up cardigan that hung very loosely on her little frame. She told me to dress comfortably so I was in sweats and sneakers. I grimaced at our disagreement on clothing. We'd just pulled into a highway I didn't recognize and my trepidations cultivated into much more imaginative, scarier things.

"Your wedding is in just over two months. You bestowed me full reign. I acknowledge that you might consider this slightly intrusive, but alas, I do not care. You will thank me later". I gulped and Alice tapped her temple. "It might not be for years, and it might not be to my face. Even in that case, Jasper will let me know when this appreciation arises... and it will."

"I'm afraid." I looked cautiously at our quickly passing scenery. We were going somewhere I had never been and Alice was prepared for my aversity towards it. My hand inched towards my cell phone. Edward could run here in fifteen minutes maximum. He'll save me. If this wasn't an emergency I don't know what is. My fingers slipped into my coat pocket - empty. My hands probed all my pockets and my little purse with hysteria. Prespiration glistened my forehead.

"Tsk, tsk, tsk. Edward can't know about where we're going, remember? Already you're trying to ruin my fun." My little silver cell phone flipped in the air twice before landing back in Alice's sneaky hand. Her tinkling giggles bothered me and they grew louder as I crossed my arms and frowned. "He thinks we are going to do some cake tasting, as I cannot pick out a cake without you. Ugh, I can taste the raw eggs just thinking about it."

She pointed a finger into her open mouth and gagged. "I'll just think of ludicrous nonsense when he's around and he'll assume I'm just hiding the cake and wedding details from him. Then next Friday night, I'll tell him we are visiting the bakers to decide on what we want the cake to actually look like. I will think of various other excuses to get you out of his sight depending on how well you do, and if we'll need to after your first two lessons. You will have to lie Bella. And it will have to be convincing."

"Where are we _really_ going?" There was no way this was going to work out. Does she not know me at all? They didn't call me an open book for my acting chops. I pondered over how fruitless Alice's whole expedition was, as Edward could easily read me without the insight into my mind.

I almost didn't notice the barren-like area we had entered. The gravel road was lined with semi-trucks and labor intended vehicles. My rusy truck would have fit right in. This was not a good place for Alice's car. Dust powdered the air as we pulled into a parking spot. The buildings were the same bricks, but even I could tell, did not match. The edifice ahead of us was longer, more rectangular and had curtained windows. It wasn't a real cock-roach motel. I'd seen worse, but it wasn't necessarily Alice Cullen's five-star taste either. I slowly got out of the car and followed Alice. I paid further attention to it's neighbor, the building we were apparently heading towards. It didn't look as old as the first. It was smaller, but also taller as it had been raised with the same red-brown bricks with a couple concrete stairs leading up to the front doors. The already dark windows had black curtains, contrasting the bright neon, naked outline of a woman hanging in front of them. The sign beside it read _'Ray's'._

"Mother of -" I was immediately cut off by the devil pixie's hand over my mouth.

"I will not take no for an answer until you at the very least give it a try. Let me explain." She raised an eyebrow at me as I struggled to free myself from her grasp. After a couple minutes, when the heat from my face had slightly faded and I gave up on escape, she took her hand from my mouth that was beginning to be set in a permanent frown. "You want to make your honeymoon special right? I realize that this is out of my jurisdiction, since it is technically not a part of your wedding, but I still want to help. I saw the little show you put on for Edward last Saturday night."

I winced. Damn Alice and her fortuitous visions.

"Bella, you can't deny your level of coordination." The heat returned to my face as she continued, "Wouldn't you like to be able to put on a real, sensual show for Edward? It'll put some spice into your love life, well, the return of your love life. I know Jasper loves this kind of stuff."

"Oh, gross." I put my hands up to will her to stop. "I hear enough of what Emmet likes. I don't need to know what gets you and Jasper hot and heavy."

That earned another giggle from her and her grasp on me loosened. The thought of running barely even entered my mind before her grasp tightened again. I realized how she expected me to be able to lie about this. This was going to be a traumatic experience. It was to be endured and then repressed. When Edward eventually asks me about tonight, it'll be tucked away in my subconscious like it never happened. "Bella, this will be fun. I know the place looks kind of squalid from the outside but its actually presentable inside. Its a strip club slash bar at night but by day they do lessons and it's the next best thing to dragging you to Vegas with me."

She pout, truly soured at the fact that Edward would probably not allow us a trip to Vegas - a fact that I was forever indebted to. "Do I really even have a choice?"

"No, but its nice to butter you up and gain a little bit of your acceptance before I force something like this upon you. Don't you agree?" She smiled a teethy victory. I sighed and drudged painfully slowly behind her. I underestimated the height of the last step and tripped through the front door. Even though I knew Alice would catch me, I can't help the intense panic and scared grimace that contort my face when I'm mid-flounder. I opened an eye slowly to an impatient Alice. "See, no coordination at all. I was surprised you didn't fall out of your underwear with Edward on Saturday."

"Alice! Hey, girl!" Alice let go of me without warning and it took me a second to catch my balance. She kissed the girl on the cheeks and I pulled my arms back to my sides, smiling politely at the blonde in front of me. "You must be Bella. I'm Courtney."

"Hi, nice to meet you." I spoke shyly pushing my hand out to shake hers. She laughed and I blushed. She came up and hugged me, before pulling back and giving me a little shake on the shoulders.

"You're going to need to loosen up, especially with me." I got a good look at her then. Courtney was 5'5 and slender. She was an out of the bottle blonde, but it wasn't terribly tacky or trashy looking. Almost the same color as Rosalie's hair, but not as glossy. The way her roots darkened just an inch on the top of her head actually looked kind of nice. She was busty, I could tell even in her baggy t-shirt and her yoga pants revealed sculpted legs that would be achieved from her line of work. Her hair was in a messy pony tail and she had minimal make up on, save her eyes which were heavily lined and rimmed with spidery mascara lashes. She couldn't have been more than 25 years old, and her voice - though it was still feminine - had a distinctive smokers rasp to it. Her smile, I could trust, was genuine. "You can think of me as the Fairy Godmother of your fantasies."

She and Alice laughed warmly, as did I out of nervousness. "Please, go easy on me. I know next to nothing about any of this." I waved my hands around as I surveyed my environment.

It was only dimly lit by the sun coming in from the front door, and a few rows of florescent lighting. It actually wasn't as grimy as I had expected. The wooden floors were a golden pecan, everywhere but on the stage. The stage was t-shaped and about three feet high, made of mirror covered with plexi glass. There were three shiny silver poles, one at each arm of the 'T'. The ceilings were lined with mirrors and purple lights. A full bar was stationed on the back wall, behind all the seats and a few sturdy round tables that also had poles.

"Oh don't worry, hon. We won't start you out here. Follow me." I did so, behind Alice who glided through the club comfortably.

"Alice, how often do you come here?" Curious then that she'd never mentioned her strip club escapades to me before. We entered a door behind the stage that lead to a cluttered changing room with four vanity desks, and then took a door on the opposite end to a small dance studio.

"Oh, this is only my fourth time. This place is pretty well-known you know. I found about Courtney two months ago, and I hopped at the chance for the new experience." Alice beamed.

We started out at my pace. We stretched and I was surprised to find I still had a little limber in me from my ballet days as a child.

"Since you're a beginner and all, we should probably start out with some simpler moves. Let me know if anything seems like too much of a stretch for you." She turned on the stereo in the corner and a slower, and yet strangely raunchy track began playing. I nervously squeezed my palms together.

"Bella, just let go!" Alice danced around me. Her hands started at the top of her head and effortlessly wandered down her body as her hips swayed to the sensual song.

"Okay, let's see if you've got any rhythm." Courtney faced me, expecting me to burst into dance. I stared dumbfoundedly, not knowing how to start. She smiled warmly. "Pretend I'm your man."

"What?" I continued staring.

"Pretend I'm your fiance. Channel all the love, passion, appreciation, and confidence, especially confidence you have for him and convey it to me. You're trust in him, in his love for you, has to be what drives you. That way, you can look past whatever reservations you have, because this is for him - the man that loves you no matter what. Even if you're not quite confident in yourself yet, at least be confident in that."

I thought about this for a second. She had a point. I could do this - for Edward. We'd already given eachother, well, eachother. I'd given him the most important things: my virginity, my soon to be hand in marriage, and correspondingly, my life. All of these I considered mere exchanges for having Edward. I should push aside my timidness, the same way he's shown me love without shame. I had all confidence in the world in Edward.

My hips, with much effort and concentration from my brain, began tentatively moving on tempo. Awkwardly, because I didn't know what else to do with them, I let my hands run through my hair.

"ATTAGIRL!" Alice chimed, clapping her hands.

After my little break through, Courtney showed me a few elementary dance moves. I'd begun to let go. She and I both agreed, that anything overtly sexual would be too extreme for me at this point and would come off forced, not wholly for Edward's or my own pleasure. So we kept a slow, sensual pace. I'd decided that I wouldn't let my self consciousness rule me. I wouldn't let it limit what Edward and I could do, and be together. My inhibitions left me, and for a while, so did my mind. I relaxed into my movements. It was like drifting into my own little daydreams, or fantasies, of Edward and I together again. Except now I was provided background music - an inspiration, an arousal for them.

---------------------------------

I sat in Alice's car for a moment, trying to slow my heart rate before going to meet Edward inside. It wouldn't do to be hyperventilating and sweating profusely when I'm trying to lie to him. I debated with myself whether or not I should just ask Alice to take me home after all. I didn't absolutely need to spend the night at the Cullens'. Oh, who was I kidding. Four hours without Edward drove me insane. I needed to see him. Alice allowed me my moment before rushing me out of the car, eager to go see her significant other herself. I assumed she just wanted to show Jasper the few new moves she'd picked up today.

She glided through the front door and up the stairs with a barely audible, "Hey Edward!"

He sat at the piano, playing my lullaby. He was greeting me. I entered, momentarily mesmerized by his unbelievable presence - poised with perfect, gentle control over the piano keys. He turned to face me, his wistful smile matching the longing his music conveyed. "I missed you today."

"I missed you too." I sat down on the bench beside him, waiting for my melody to end. When it did, he turned to me completely, pulling me into his lap for a long kiss. I felt him smile into the kiss before pulling away for me to regain oxygen.

"Do we have a wedding cake?" He asked brightly, truly happy to just have me back in his arms.

"I believe so. How do you feel about red velvet?" I tried my best to smile, while we both gauged eachother's reactions. His face fell. Did he know? Maybe I shouldn't have kissed him. Maybe Alice and I should have stopped at some bakery so I could taste some cakes just for effect. "Something wrong?"

"Cream cheese frosting...Ugh, cream cheese tastes older than I am." We both laughed, but his eyes seemed to know.

**review? be easy x3 chasing.**


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